boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
