I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
