Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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