Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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