New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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