True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
