how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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