let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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