First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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