i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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