Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
