Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
