Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you never un-have a 4some
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
