dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
