Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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