goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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