Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
