I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just threw up on my dentist
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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