Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
