And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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