other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
