I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
