I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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