You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize