It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
