lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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