Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Welp...herpes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
