There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
