Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
