we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
