the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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