Kiss
Puke
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
