took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
