dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
