My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
