Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
