She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
