she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
