i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Randomize
