Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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