My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
