Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
a search helicopter?!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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