Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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