If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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