I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
