I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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