This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
