It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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