whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
