So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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