Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
