totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
