they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this just has baby written all over it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
