Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
