i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
