Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
