She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
