Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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