she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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