Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
sex in a hospital.. check
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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