i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
