Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
