God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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