I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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