It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
