we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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