I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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