were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
honey bunches of taint.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
