Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
